Saturday, May 26, 2007


Last Saturday night in the wee hours of the Lord’s Day my friend Matthew and I sat down to some “lick-your-plate-clean” cuisine – so said the hefty good ole boy seated across the way from us in between barely subliminal pleasure moans. Yes, the 1950s technology that allowed yellow checkered diners across middle America to simulate Belgian breakfasts (albeit with a slightly greasy-spoon twist) did serve up some mighty fine food on 10-inch wide porcelain plates. The waffles at the Waffle House (which could be supplemented with onion/cheese/etc. smothered “home”-fries or grits floating in squeezable butter) are small, nicely crisped. I remarked, that with the increase in plate sizes say at less “authentic” budget eateries such as the Denny’s, or dare I say Bob Evan’s, the waistlines of Americans have also increased.

This line of questioning reached its zenith in Matthew’s careful observation that the city of Akron, Ohio (where co-incidentally we were sitting) is best typified by the Chevrolet (spoken “Chevy”) Berretta (which inconsequentially is also the name of a handgun). That perhaps like Denny’s with its “Grand Slam” meals portioned on Texas-sized plates, Akron itself is home to listless souls longing for a sporty look at the cheapest price, not realizing that in their haste to secure the American dream of “the more” and “the faster” they had settled for American trash.

Bob, our goateed waiter seemed unimpressed by our seemingly careless attitude and perhaps what he perceived as a hint of feminine delight in our waffles and conversation (we were taking pictures etc.). This seeming rebuff did little stifle our conversation – which turned to the hegemonic rule of CLP over the Mennonite interpretation of scripture, Matthew’s search for his inner consciousness, and my inability to fully express my intentions in the everyday language of the hell-fearing individual.

After repeated attempts to establish Waffle House as a site of a ritualized rendezvous, I felt as though we finally broke through – we had cresting the surface after dodging coagulated masses of plastic as only endangered humpback whales can.

Matthew tries a choice strawberrynote the grits
talk turns toward CLP
Matthew expresses inner turmoilMatthew is pleased. very pleased


Anonymous harlan said...

Darrin, go to WNYC's website and follow the link to the MARKETPLACE website, there find last friday's in the archive and look at the anti-creation story. They have the full text. So much for tolerance from the left.

Not so happy with CLP? They are universally accepted by conservative Mennonites.

5:55 PM  

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